Love It Or Leave It: L.A.M.B.'s "Darrel" Pump

($335, LAMB, Nordstrom)

Ok. I've been seeing the LAMB "Darrel" heel ALL over the flogosphere lately (flog = fashion + blog ---> dork central, I know). I totally predict that the awkwardly named "Darrel" heel is gonna be this season's wack-ass it-shoe, a la the Balenciaga "Sportiletto" Lego heel nightmare that everyone but Beyonce and Kanye West hated. Or at least this'll be the mid-range designer version.

I personally love the color combo, but I'm almost 150% completely opposed to whipstitching under all circumstances, except for in the case of an emergency -- an emergency being like... you're like a professional rodeo person, and it's like regulation that you MUST wear whipstitching or face total catastrophic career ruin. Otherwise, it's too chees-ay Southwesty/ Tex-Mexy for me. Like, couldn't Gwen have just left well enough alone and let it be a cool, bright color-blocked heel? Guess not.

Anyway, thoughts?

What Would You Do... For These Chie Mahara Heels?

($350, Chie Mahara, ShoeMine.com)

Dudes, remember those insipid "What would you do for a Klondike bar" commercials, where some cheesy ad execs thought everyday people would be so desperate for a poorly designed wedge (how do you eat a SQUARE of ice cream with NO spoon, no stick, no handle, nothing!) of tasteless vanilla ice cream covered in barely edible cheap chocolate that they'd bark like a dog (a big dog!), hop up and down on one foot, or do something REALLY crazy like put the dirty dishes in the sink!

Well, I wouldn't do any of that bullshit for a crappy, inexplicably Inuit-inspired cheap-ass bodega frozen dessert, but for these Chie Mahara "Ox" heels (they're cheaper on the Chie Mahara site, but some of the sizes are sold out), I'd... punch an old lady, smack a baby (but only if it was crying), leave a banana peel in someone's path, not warn someone that they were about to sit on a bench full of wet paint, rob a T-Mobile, or possibly even kill a grifter.

What would YOU do for Chie Mahara?

Footwear, Au Naturale

I present you... lots of heels and boots, with nods to nature in the form of wood, straw and earth tones! Hippie chic meets urban sophisticate... errr something...

($114, Asos)

Love the woo heel, though I'm not totally convinced that the peep toe element is okay. Oh well. Sacrifices, I suppose! And they're gorgeous in green too:

($360, Pedro Garcia, Net-a-porter.com)

I'm also not totally sold on these, but I kind of like the rustic, ruggedness of the unfinished edge.

($320, L.A.M.B., Shopbop.com)

Um, okay so I'm sorta cheating with these, but the woven effect is sorta nature-y, no? Rattan and wicker porch chairs and all that?

($70, Faryl Robin, Ravinstyle.com)

Normally these would be just a little too Chrissy Snow for me, but the little turquoise buckle is both totally modernizing and endearing.

($290, Derek Lam, Barneys)

I absolutely love these. They have a sorta sexy, smart speakeasy feel to them. Like you put 'em on and something naughty'll happen on ye olde Bowerie or something! Like two whiskey-drunk dudes in mustaches will have a fistfight over you that'll escalate into a knife fight!

($95, Steve Madden, Cutesyshoes.com)

Not sure who's getting knocked off here. Balenciaga? Miu Miu? Fendi? Chanel? No matter, because I can't afford any of them!

($258, Anthropologie)

Ah, my leit motif: the wood cone heel. I'd break for these.

($536, Les Prairies de Paris, LaGarconne.com)

Ah, a gorgeous wood-heeled ankle boot by the elusive, expensive Les Prairies de Paris. And in grey, no less! Oui oui!!

Mary-Kate's Yellow Louboutins

(Photo via Fashionsite.blogspot.com)

In the newest issue of Nylon, Mary-Kate is wearing a pair of Christian Louboutins that probably weigh more than she does. All the more reason I should have them instead -- she could HURT herself!

My attempts to ID the Louboutins has so far been fruitless. Here's as close as I came:

($650, Christian Louboutin, Net-a-porter.com)

Close, but no cigar as "they" say.

($27, Amazon)

Wah. Even less of a cigar. Anyway, if anyone knows what the Louboutins that MK is wearing are called, please lemme know. If only to assuage my curiosity.

Also, and oddly, I've never had this problem before, but I've HEARD that people sometimes refer to their Louboutins as "Loubs." PLEASE don't. It sounds sort of like an infection.

Beyonce's Bringin' Balenciaga Back... Again...

I saw Beyonce in those absurd $4,150 Balenciaga Lego heels at the AMAs the other week, but I was too lazy to "bolg" about it. Thankfully, the absurdly, obscenely hilarious Kingdom Of Style busted wasn't -- she nabbed Ms. Knowles for galavanting about in these trannybot heels.

Anyway, these shoes are Pure Atrocity. Plus, and I'm not usually the first to blow the "soooo last-season" whistle, but these um, are, especially when you're as recognizable as Beyonce and you're wearing primary colored Transformers on your feet at an awards show. Dude, it is YOUR DUTY to bring something FRESH to the table, even if it is something your cray-cray mama made outta Liberace curtains.

Manolo himself deemed these old "hat," if you will, back in September. THE HORROR!

Anyway, LEAVE THEM ALONE, Chris Crocker style. Let them go quietly into that deep, dark hein-shoe resting place in the sky, never to be heard from again. Can we? Please? Forever? Forever and for realsies?

Sally Tseng & Seychelles At Wink + PROMO CODE!

Y'all, Chanukkah's super early this year, so please please please someone buy me this amazing top from Winknyc.com:

($215, Sally Tseng, Winknyc.com)

I love how it's sorta punk-chic -- from afar, the yellow detailing almost looks like graffiti, but up close, it's sweet and femme. And grey and yellow is one of my fave color combos.

($86, Seychelles, Winknyc.com)

I also adore this gold criss-cross-strap heel -- such a great holiday shoe, and I find this style to be way more flattering than Mary Janes, especially on short folk like myself. I'm also dying for the antiqued ivory pair below:

Finally, be aware: Wink NYC promo code! 15% off the entire site through November 27! Enter THKGV7. Yay! Go forth, be thankful, and spend!

Friday Footwear Binges!

SHOOOOOOOOOOEZ for Friday! Weeee!

($124, Dolce Vita, Shopintuition.com)

MORE perfect grey boots! SO tempting!

($34.99, Target)

Can't beat cute boots for 35 bones. Oh, Targze! You foul temptress, you!

($155, Asos.com)

Gorgeous blue hue. These would look super HAWT with grey jeans.

($99, Asos.com)

Silver and blue = sexy. These would rule with some black tights -- yay for the closed toe! Nothing more annoying than a perfectly cute pair of heels RUINED by the unnecessary open toe.

($99, Asos.com)

Love the heel, so I'll overlook the open-toed-ness.

($77, Asos.com)

... And here, the plastic heel excuses the open toe. Ugh. In general: open toe: SO overdone. Is that a conspiracy by the footwear industry -- make more open-toed shoes so women will be FORCED to BUY more shoes when they can't easily winterize? If it is, it's clearly working.

Totally unrelated note: *Is Zachary Quinto hot or not? I vote HOT. Thoughts?
(Photo via: Ohnotheydidn't)

*ETA: Hotornot featuring ZQ was originally the brainchild of Chicagoland's JP. Sorry fer fergettin' to point that outs.

Shoes: Some Awful, Some Not Awful

Holy sheeeyt, y'all! It's a shoe roundup!

Of course, we begin with some horbsness thanks to Irregular Choice, always dependable in the Horbsness department.

($199, Irregular Choice, Asos.com)

Is this just a New York phenomenon, or is the black and gold liquor store bag distributed universally? Anyway, these look like someone took an otherwise perfectly good healthy heel and suffocated it by tying on a liquor store bag. Without the shitty faux chap or whatever that abomination is, this shoe could be adorable with the striped platform and bow in the bag. Alas, it's not to be.

($132, Dru New York)

Just perfectly beautiful, perfectly perfect winter heels. Too bad Dru isn't sold online. Weepy.

($252, Rachel Comey, Oaknyc.com)

These are such a trainwreck that I almost oddly love them? But maybe I hate them? Mainly they're horrible? I love Rachel Comey, but these are pretty wrong.

($87, Oh Deer! Shoes.com)

For some odd reason, I like these, though I could see buying them and never having anything to wear with them. Love the Louboutin-from-afar red soles!

($55, Asos.com)

These are absolutely rip-shit ridiculous. It's also extremely discouraging that they're actually SOLD OUT, meaning that enough people DIDN'T find these horrendous.

($144, Ted Baker, Asos.com)

What? Oh my GOD, NO! They look like they're being held together by twine!

($121, Irregular Choice, Asos.com)

Just unfuckingbelievable. Wear these to your next ecstacy-fueled Victorian orgy.

($99, Steve Madden)

Appropriately enough, these embarrassments are called "Hustler," and them come in 20 different shades, each more horrendous than the next! An award of distinction goes out to the horrendous "foil" family, which includes silver and gold, and the patents: fuschia (shown above), deep red, purple, cognac and more! Collect 'em all!

($221, Harlot, Asos.com)

Appropriately enough, these are by Harlot. So so so bad. Why is it so hard to remember that denim is for JEANS ONLY! And the OCCASIONAL jacket. Don't get it twisted, people!

($276, Salvador Sapena, Asos.com)

Normally I'm not into cuffs or anything remotely Mary Jane-ish, but I love the colors and how the beige offsets the patent leather. Totes wants!

($132, KG, Asos.com)

Um, these are sorta maybe the most perfect jeweled flats ever.

($474, Nanette Lepore, Shoes.com)

Chocolate brown footwear isn't usually my thing, nor are little punchy perforations and lace ups, so it's odd that I find myself attracted to a boot that consists of all three. Yet I like these.

Yay! I know they're kinda last season, but for the 99.8% of us who can't afford the real thing:

($940, Burberry Prorsum, Nordstrom)


($98, Jeffrey Campbell, Oaknyc.com)

.... Jeffrey Campbell has graciously knocked them off for us! Kbyenow!

JustSweet? More Like JustShit.

Anyone seen Jennifer Lopez's new juniors' line, JustSweet? All you really need to know is that you most likely would NEVER wear it unless you're between the ages of 14 and 16 and cut class to hang out with your boyfriend at his workplace, Orange Julius at your nearest suburban mall.

Here's the other thing you need to know:

($115, JustSweet, Macys)

She's corned the market on the ever-elusive Perfect Slutty Lawn Jockey Heel!

Awesome Shit, Some On Sale

Two collections of gorgeous items. They're all lovely. They're just not all within my budget... Oh who am I kidding -- I can't stick to a budget.


STEAL IT

($865, Christian Louboutin, Saks Fifth Avenue)

Prettier than the prettiest princess in the pod. Sigh.

($578, Anna Sui, Madisonlosangeles.com)

Very cute. But maybe a little TOO early '60s??

($545, Thomas Wylde, Net-a-porter.com)

My favorite piece of the post.

($395, Michael Kors, Saks Fifth Avenue)

Nothing earth-shattering here, yet I just love it.

($350, Milly, Net-a-porter.com)

So elegant. So perfectly wintery. So want it.

($265, Jalda, Saks Fifth Avenue)
Luscious.

YOUR ACCOUNTANT LOVES YOU...

($496, Stella McCartney, Net-a-porter.com)

... Because you know a good deal when you see one. Plus, the layering practically means you get three tops for the price of one!

($339, Zac Posen, Saks Fifth Avenue)

Surely this is even cuter in person. And with some cute opaque tights and booties.

($312, Botkier, Ssense.com)

This is half beautiful, half looks like it came from within.

($258, DKNY)

If you can find a more versatile dress, lemme know.

($229, Ports 1961, Saks Fifth Avenue)

Gorgeous, eventhough this does sorta look like something you'd find at H&M.

($145, Mike & Chris, Rarechic.com)

Come and just TRY to tell me this dress isn't serious sexytime. And NOT just because this chick probably isn't wearing anything underneath. Ahh... just PERFECT for the office, no?

($97, Cass Guy, Rarechic.com)

How perfect would this look under a grey or navy cardigan?

($95, Plenty By Tracy Reese, Labelspree.com)

I know I've posted this before, but I rediscovered, and now it's even closer to cold weather time. Yay! Get it! (Whoops. My inner voice started typing).

($88, Dusty Of California, Bussstopshop.com)

Utterly adorable. I can't even deal with all of the what-to-wear-on-the-bottom options that this dress comes with.

($85, James Coviello, Saks Fifth Avenue)

Normally this sweater would NEVER be my thing, but it just has some sort of Natalie Portman je ne sais qoui. Although I'm fairly positive that simply wearing this sweater wouldn't magically give me an adorable pixie cut and perfectly placed mole. Though I didn't read "The Secret," and perhaps I should.

($75, Naughty Monkey, Redvelvetcouture.com)

This is a prime example of the type of thing I probably wouldn't dream of getting on my own, but then I'd stop by a friend's apartment on our way to go to the movies, and I'd just pop in to use her bathroom really quickly because it's on the way to the theater, and these would just be sitting on her living room floor next to the paper, and I'd see them and be like HOLY FUCK WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE? WHAT THE FUCK? THOSE ARE FUCKING AWESOME! And she'd blow it off because to her they're no big deal and totally her and we'd maybe be running late to the movie, but then all I'd be able to think about for like the next week would be those boots. And the movie would be totally ruined for me. That's how sick these boots are. At least to me.

($69, Dolce Vita, Shopbop.com)

Great, huh?

(Apprx $50 USD, Topshop.com)

These are so fun, but they'd be hard to wear without running the risk of some d-bag at work or something coming up to you and bein' like "So, you're bringin' the '80s back, eh, Material Girl?" or something completely lame like that, so it almost makes them not worth it...

(Apprx $30 USD, Topshop.com)

So you're probably best off going with something like this. Ugh. I hate d-bags.