Stop Comparing Yourself to the Competition

Bitching about the genetic cards you’ve been dealt, and bemoaning the fact that you don’t measure up to some superhuman bikini model, is a self-destructive waste of time. “Being threatened by other women—and their perceived perfections—makes it tougher for you to appreciate and play up your own assets,” says Irwin.

● Focus on what’s sexy. Ever wonder why a major babe would fall head over heels in love with some far-from-perfect chick? That’s because men (well, most of them) aren’t really interested in a supermodel-perfect partner, as Hillary, 27, discovered at her 10-year high-school reunion. “Steve was voted Cutest Guy in my class, and his fiancée was average-looking at best,” says Hillary. But as the night wore on, I realized she was super-outgoing, really funny, and actually sexy.” Pay attention to women you find sexy who aren’t classically beautiful—it will teach you to appreciate you own uniqueness.

●Fight your “If only…” cravings. “Too many women think that life would be better if they lost a few pounds or had longer legs,” says Irwin. Well, guess what? Even if you had those things, you’d find something else to complain about. “It never stops because it’s a mind-set, not a real problem. You have to be happy with who you are now.” To kick that wannabe habit, every time you find yourself envying another woman’s assets, stop and acknowledge something that you like about yourself. “You can admire other people’s strengths, as long as it’s not at the expense of seeing your own,” Irwin says.

● Don’t downgrade other chicks. Surprisingly, harshing on other women’s looks actually hurts your self-image as much as envying them does. “That yardstick you use to judge their so-called flaws is the same one you use to judge your own,” says Hankin. Getting rid of that rating system will help you cut yourself more slack and really feel good.

Stop Soliciting Negative Feedback

It goes something like this: “Do these new espadrilles make my ankles look thick?” “C’mon, my arms look flabby, right?” “Just be straight with me about my huge butt—I can take it.” Enough! Though it might seem like harmless chatter, these queries are insidiously destructive to your self-esteem. “You’re just reinforcing unhealthy thoughts,” says Mininni.

● Remember, it’s a big bore. Pay attention when you’re trolling for reassuring feedback and you’ll probably notice some eye-rolling from your audience before you get the same “No, you look great” response. That’s because your humble routine makes you seem self-involved, which is a total yawn. It’s ironic, but perpetually broadcasting your insecurities can make you appear vain.

● Start accepting your props. When you get a compliment— whether it’s your guy praising your body in bed or a colleague admiring how great your outfit looks on you—skip the bashful rebuttal and try something more radical, like a simple thanks. “If you stop shutting out flattery and start listening to it, what you’re hearing will gradually become your automatic belief,” says Irwin.